Back to School Tomorrow

Only slightly scared.

I found this while cleaning out my e-mails today, something Tamrof sent me awhile back. I don't know how old it is, or where Tamrof got it, but it seems especially apt right now, as senior Republicans start saying the "I-word" out loud:

Subject: Breaking News from Congress

Congress today announced that the office of President
of the United States of America will be outsourced to
overseas interests as of August 31st. The move is
being made to save not only a significant portion of
the President's $400,000.00 yearly salary, but also a
record $521 billion in deficit expenditures and
related overhead.

"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost
savings should be
significant," stated Congressman Thomas Reynolds
(R-Wash.). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government
Accountability Office, has studied outsourcing of
American jobs extensively.

"We cannot expect to remain competitive on the world
stage with the current level of cash outlay," Reynolds
noted.

Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his
termination.
Preparations for the job move have been underway for
some time. Gurvinder Singh of Indus Teleservices,
Mumbai, India will be assuming the office of President
as of September 1st. Mr. Singh was born in the United
States while his Indian parents were vacationing at
Niagara Falls, thus making him eligible for the
position. He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a
month but with no health coverage or other benefits.

It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle
his job
responsibilities without support staff. Due to the
time difference between the US and India, he will be
working primarily at night, when few offices of the US
Government will be open.

"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at
the American Express call center," stated Mr. Singh in
an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this
position. I always hoped I would be President
someday."

A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr.
Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues
involved in the office of President, this should not
be a problem. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script tree
that will enable him to respond effectively to most
topics of concern. Using this tree, he can address
common concerns without having to understand the
underlying issues at all.

"We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson. "Mr. Bush has used them successfully for
years."

Mr. Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and
salary until his final day of employment. Following a
two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240
dollars a week unemployment for 13 weeks.
Unfortunately he will not be eligible for Medicaid as
his unemployment benefits will exceed the allowed
limit.

Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services
of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and
prepare for his upcoming job transition. According to
Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties in securing a
new position due to limited practical work experience.
One possibility is re-enlistment in the Air National
Guard. Should he choose this option, he would likely
be stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited.

"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr.
Bush, who gained
invaluable knowledge of the country in a visit to the
Baghdad Airport's
terminal and gift shop.

Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would
receive a warm reception from local Iraqis. They have
asked to be provided with details of his arrival so
that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.

//The Magic 8-Ball says, "You wish."\\